So I went on vacation to Europe to visit a friend of mine. I normally live in Alaska(best state there is), but I have friends and family all over the world so I can couch surf which makes vacation pretty fun. So I collaborated with my friend who lives in Holland to visit, and go out clubbing. We get dressed up for an event called "Expats in Amsterdam, black and white ball" meaning you have to wear black and white. So I get a nice set up together and so does my female friend(no just friends, we dated WAY back in high school and it just wouldn't work). We get to the party, and start dancing.
Now I have to back up, while I love Alaska it does have some problems(snow, population ratio, and lack of in and out burger being the big ones); the population ratio problem has led to some interesting effects on population dynamics there. An economist would describe the dating scene as a scarcity situation, where in the existing commodities take on higher than expected prices due to set demand and reduced supply.
When you apply this economic rule to dating in Alaska the following happens, due to a shortage of eligible women(smart, funny, HS education, less than 4 kids, non felon, employed), those who only have SOME positive characteristics are enhanced in desirability, and those with LOTS of desirable characteristics are enhanced more. Basically you can apply a +2 handicap to the average woman in Alaska. So in the lower 48, an average looking woman who is less than desirable (a felony record, and HS drop out) would rate say a 5 on a datable scale would in Alaska be a 7.(10 being perfect). So Holland gets a MINUS 2 handicap, the average woman there is MUCH hotter than the average American, much better educated( did I mention accents are HOT), and in general a good sense of humor. Applying this to my situation, I am basically surrounded by very attractive women in a dance club with an ideal wing chick helping me out. I am set to have an excellent night.
So after about 30 minutes of dancing my wing chick informs me that I need to look to my back left side and I see this amazingly hot redhead. A coworker of my friend who is with us informs us that he knows her and will introduce me(lets call the coworker, Dylan). Dylan goes over to her and says something to effect of "hey you want you to meet my friends", she comes over. Dylan says " Julie, this is Sensitive New Age Guy, and his old HS friend E, he is here visiting and getting the scoop on the guy she wants to date". This gal Julie never even looks at me, totally invades my bubble and starts touching my wing chick's hair, saying "you hair is so soft, your so pretty, your hair is so soft". Now three things are immediately evident, 1 I am not getting laid tonight(wrong team...), 2 my wing chick might(both teams), 3 Julie is high as a kite on X.
So I am going all role reversal and start backing out of the conversation(really at this point is basically my bisexual female friend getting groped by a very hot redhead who is obviously high on X); but NO my friend tries a last ditch recovery from a stall for me bringing up that I am her marathon training partner. I play it down, I kinda don't want women who are so high they don't remember things waking up in bed with me. Also I don't think I could sleep with a woman who is high on X, granted I'm sure she would love it, hell petting a cactus on X is supposed to be fun, but 90% in control of mental facilities is important. So I eject from the conversation as Julie continues to pet my friend's hair while feeling herself up, I feel a little dirty after a couple minutes of watching my friend attempt to politely NOT get groped on the dance floor, and we elect to leave. My friend mentions she was waiting for the line "Your hair smells like purple" to be dropped but it never was.
All in all a fun night out though, least my friend got to get groped and watch a hot redhead grope herself. I on the other hand don't smell like purple.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
45 Minutes
So after pledging a hiatus from dating since March I kept running into a gal who works with a company my company works with. We see each other say 10-20 minutes every week in little 2 minute encounters when our jobs cross paths. I have been working on dropping 20 lbs since last March and this woman noticed, and commented to my coworker about it while I wasn't in the office. Coworker informed me about this and I decided to "accidentally" run into this woman during the course of the next week.
Having run into this woman and purposefully lengthened the conversation things went well. After several "accidental" encounters(really just swapping little tasks at the office so I would have to swing by her office during her shift), she is bright, educated, cute, and appears to have a level head on her shoulders. So I asked her to coffee and we exchange numbers.
So this is on a Tuesday and coffee isn't until Monday, so we start talking via phone. her shift being 2-11 and mine being 7-5(I work 10's, no lunch). we talk right before I head to bed, the conversations are pretty good, serious topics and light stuff are covered. 5 days of conversations and then coffee day. Coffee goes well, and I get the wild idea to visit the local zoo which has recently acquired a polar bear cub, so we tack going to the small Anchorage zoo to watch the polar bear cub play. The cub is adorable, cuter than a pack of puppies and a litter of kittens.
She asks to do dinner after the zoo(they only let the little guy play for an hour a day) so I know that I she is having a great date. We do dinner and I have to call it a night because I have martial arts class, and she goes for a hug which is where I am at too so it is great. After I get home at 9 from class she has texted me and wants to go out on Friday, we set up arrangements(shooting range, me cooking, and she has asked to see Lincoln which I thought was still in theaters so I agree. Turns out she was thinking DVD(it was out) and my couch. So the activity goes well, the shooting range actually(she has asked about learning to shoot a rifle, I have one that is really easy to learn on so I showed her), then back to town I am cooking dinner, and DVD on the couch.
Obviously we end up making out during the movie, I am a sucker for making out during a movie, I watched "Titanic" 7 times in the theater with my high school girlfriend(that is over 24 hours of my life "watching" Leonardo Di Caprio freeze to death). She goes home at about 9, but not before we set up plans for Saturday night, me cooking a NICE dinner(my confusion about Lincoln being in theaters had resulted in me whipping up something functional but not "nice" instead of being prepared).
Saturday can't happen soon enough and while my morning is busy as could be (8am 13.2 mile run, then martial arts till 1), the afternoon is wide open to plan, prepare and really knock this woman's socks off. I want to impress her, I am starting to invest in the relationship. Things like that she likes coffee and gummy bears(ok gross sounding I'm not going to lie) Coldstone, or thinks cheesy action movies are better than Lifetime dramas, matter to me.
Saturday afternoon comes around and I have whipped up my signature knock any body's socks off dish. Champagne cream sauce chicken and portabelos with asparagus and quinoa on the side. French bread(local french bakery, awesome, tastes like ACTUAL french bread which is a hundred times better than the stuff that Americans try and pass off as "french bread"). Dessert is fancy french pastry cake for desert, 3 layer chocolate mousse(dark, ultra dark, milk) separated by layers of super moist . This goes over... well. She is impressed, more making out on the couch(don't even remember the movie). She asks to spend the night, and I bring up my expectations if that happens; a relationship and all that entails, my dating past(divorce, ), that I am interested in her, I think she feels the same way, monogamy, the whole package. She agrees with me.
The next morning sleeping in until 1030 is great, wake up do breakfast and she is out the door at 1130. I shower and get dressed and start checking my email. at 1215 she texts me asking if I can talk on the phone. I call her and ask what the problem is, thinking she has been involved in a wreck(it is icy out side, traffic is pretty rotten). She says she just slept with her ex boyfriend. Now realize that she has been gone for 45 minutes from MY house (things went well for both sides, nobody was lacking), and 45 minutes later is getting nailed by her ex. Mind you this is the ex she hasn't spoken to in a month, and "wasn't serious" with. So she asks what is going to happen from here and I basically inform her that while I was interested in a relationship, that sorta dried up with the amazing lack of judgement she displayed, much less timing( I mean 45 minutes, I can barely get across town in 45 minutes when traffic is bad), we are not going to happen, hope things work with her Ex/current(not sure of semantics there).
I proceed to get a string of 15 unresponded to text messages, at about one every 2 hours for the next 2 days, and they are several pages long each. Talking about "the one" and mistakes, forgiveness, being with me for all time. Just to clarify this was date 3 or 4 depending on if the extension of date 1 counted as 1 or 2 dates. Text messages on an IPhone the sender knows you have seen it apparently and it displays this unless you shut the feature off so she knows that I have read them(if I don't my phone keeps buzzing). A half dozen phone calls, also unanswered. Then on my first day back at work I tell my boss about things just in case she brings into the office. Guess who shows up 30 minutes after I have left my bosses office...
Yep, my coworker has been briefed on the situation and is totally supportive, sticks around to witness things. Woman tries to ask if I can talk outside and wants to give me ice cream. It appears to be coldstone but not any flavor/mix items I have ever seen before( I'm all about mint, brownie). I tell her "sorry, no, no, just leave". she does. No texts since and I feel like I dodged a bad bullet. Sigh. 45 minutes... FML
Having run into this woman and purposefully lengthened the conversation things went well. After several "accidental" encounters(really just swapping little tasks at the office so I would have to swing by her office during her shift), she is bright, educated, cute, and appears to have a level head on her shoulders. So I asked her to coffee and we exchange numbers.
So this is on a Tuesday and coffee isn't until Monday, so we start talking via phone. her shift being 2-11 and mine being 7-5(I work 10's, no lunch). we talk right before I head to bed, the conversations are pretty good, serious topics and light stuff are covered. 5 days of conversations and then coffee day. Coffee goes well, and I get the wild idea to visit the local zoo which has recently acquired a polar bear cub, so we tack going to the small Anchorage zoo to watch the polar bear cub play. The cub is adorable, cuter than a pack of puppies and a litter of kittens.
She asks to do dinner after the zoo(they only let the little guy play for an hour a day) so I know that I she is having a great date. We do dinner and I have to call it a night because I have martial arts class, and she goes for a hug which is where I am at too so it is great. After I get home at 9 from class she has texted me and wants to go out on Friday, we set up arrangements(shooting range, me cooking, and she has asked to see Lincoln which I thought was still in theaters so I agree. Turns out she was thinking DVD(it was out) and my couch. So the activity goes well, the shooting range actually(she has asked about learning to shoot a rifle, I have one that is really easy to learn on so I showed her), then back to town I am cooking dinner, and DVD on the couch.
Obviously we end up making out during the movie, I am a sucker for making out during a movie, I watched "Titanic" 7 times in the theater with my high school girlfriend(that is over 24 hours of my life "watching" Leonardo Di Caprio freeze to death). She goes home at about 9, but not before we set up plans for Saturday night, me cooking a NICE dinner(my confusion about Lincoln being in theaters had resulted in me whipping up something functional but not "nice" instead of being prepared).
Saturday can't happen soon enough and while my morning is busy as could be (8am 13.2 mile run, then martial arts till 1), the afternoon is wide open to plan, prepare and really knock this woman's socks off. I want to impress her, I am starting to invest in the relationship. Things like that she likes coffee and gummy bears(ok gross sounding I'm not going to lie) Coldstone, or thinks cheesy action movies are better than Lifetime dramas, matter to me.
Saturday afternoon comes around and I have whipped up my signature knock any body's socks off dish. Champagne cream sauce chicken and portabelos with asparagus and quinoa on the side. French bread(local french bakery, awesome, tastes like ACTUAL french bread which is a hundred times better than the stuff that Americans try and pass off as "french bread"). Dessert is fancy french pastry cake for desert, 3 layer chocolate mousse(dark, ultra dark, milk) separated by layers of super moist . This goes over... well. She is impressed, more making out on the couch(don't even remember the movie). She asks to spend the night, and I bring up my expectations if that happens; a relationship and all that entails, my dating past(divorce, ), that I am interested in her, I think she feels the same way, monogamy, the whole package. She agrees with me.
The next morning sleeping in until 1030 is great, wake up do breakfast and she is out the door at 1130. I shower and get dressed and start checking my email. at 1215 she texts me asking if I can talk on the phone. I call her and ask what the problem is, thinking she has been involved in a wreck(it is icy out side, traffic is pretty rotten). She says she just slept with her ex boyfriend. Now realize that she has been gone for 45 minutes from MY house (things went well for both sides, nobody was lacking), and 45 minutes later is getting nailed by her ex. Mind you this is the ex she hasn't spoken to in a month, and "wasn't serious" with. So she asks what is going to happen from here and I basically inform her that while I was interested in a relationship, that sorta dried up with the amazing lack of judgement she displayed, much less timing( I mean 45 minutes, I can barely get across town in 45 minutes when traffic is bad), we are not going to happen, hope things work with her Ex/current(not sure of semantics there).
I proceed to get a string of 15 unresponded to text messages, at about one every 2 hours for the next 2 days, and they are several pages long each. Talking about "the one" and mistakes, forgiveness, being with me for all time. Just to clarify this was date 3 or 4 depending on if the extension of date 1 counted as 1 or 2 dates. Text messages on an IPhone the sender knows you have seen it apparently and it displays this unless you shut the feature off so she knows that I have read them(if I don't my phone keeps buzzing). A half dozen phone calls, also unanswered. Then on my first day back at work I tell my boss about things just in case she brings into the office. Guess who shows up 30 minutes after I have left my bosses office...
Yep, my coworker has been briefed on the situation and is totally supportive, sticks around to witness things. Woman tries to ask if I can talk outside and wants to give me ice cream. It appears to be coldstone but not any flavor/mix items I have ever seen before( I'm all about mint, brownie). I tell her "sorry, no, no, just leave". she does. No texts since and I feel like I dodged a bad bullet. Sigh. 45 minutes... FML
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Bachelor Auction(AKA Mrs.S and I go on a date)
So I was convinced to participate in a bachelor auction to raise money for charity(American Diabetes Association). The organizer basically said that until I was purchased, I was free to flirt with whomever I wanted at the auction(really 400 women, 25 guys, should be able to get a number or 3). So the prep work for the auction included getting a tux, gathering donations from various businesses around town(hair/nail appointments, dinner for 2, tickets to various museums, massages at spa place, coffees at another place; all told the total value of the stuff I gathered was 1500 dollars).
So the auction comes around I got a few numbers during the social mixer(OK 2, I have no "game"), I get auctioned off for $1100. On the down side I was purchased by a woman in her mid 50's with no interest in a date with me because she was married with kids my age. she wanted a cheap date night with her husband(my donation package was an easy 5 dates, maybe 8 if you didn't do dinner, activity, and drinks somewhere every time). No single friend (AE, "hey I just wanted your donation package, sorry to deny you the chance to hit on OTHER women all night, you don't have a date for valentines day, here is my friend's number she doesn't either, since you were expecting a date anyway...) .
Anyway so I call one of the two women who gave me her number for valentines day, she is crazy, and by crazy I mean raving bat shit crazy. Verbal illustration below.
So Mrs. S and I go on a date:
Call Mrs. S. and ask if she would like to do something on Friday(this is Tuesday, so 3 days after she gave her number to me, no she gave it to me; I was taking an I phone photo and she took my phone from my hand and programed her number into it and said my name is S, call me. ). We set plans for Friday and apparently I am driving. Now it is a little odd that I am picking this gal up at her house on a first date, I don't know her at all, she doesn't know me, but now I know where she lives, I could be a stalker or worse. So this should have set of an alarm bell, (obviously it didn't).
We go out to dinner at a bar/grill across town and burgers and cocktails, all is ok, up until I ask what she does for a living. The conversation goes like this.
"So you know I work at the airport doing import and export stuff, what do you do when you aren't turning heads with fancy dresses?"
"DON'T YOU DARE IMPLY I GOT MY JOB BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN AND AN ALASKA NATIVE(think native American, but from Alaska, Eskimo is a tribe, Alaska native is all the tribes) I GOT MY JOB BECAUSE I AM GOOD AT IT"
"uh, I was just asking where you work"
"I work for south Central foundation." (SCF is a local AK Native hospital/corp, I have several friends who have worked there they experienced discrimination based on their lack of skin tone; attached is the first 3 lines of a position description for Computer programmer,
SCF programs are established for the purpose of serving a primary population comprised of Alaska Natives who are affiliated with the Cook Inlet Region Inc. (CIRI), and Alaska Natives and American Indians within SCF’s geographical service area. Employees should have a thorough understanding of the cultures and the needs of the CIRI members, and of the general culture and needs of Alaska Natives and American Indians. Such knowledge is critical in order to ensure the achievement of the mission and vision of SCF: working together with the Native community to provide the best services with Native staff who value the family and family wellness as the heart of the Native community)
"Ok, so how is working there?" calmed the conversation down nicely.
20 minutes later dinner is over and I am driving her to her house and we are talking when she says hey lets go to X bar it is right by my house and I want to check it out. So we are off to X bar. place looks like a total dive on the outside and you walk past the entry way and it is a decent place.
So we start ttalking again. and I ask what volunteer work she had done because she mentioned it before.
"I worked for XYZ organization"
"What is that?"
"They do criminal defense for accused war criminals"
"So who were they defending"
"They were defending XXX"
"What did he do"
"He is accused of committing genocide in Bosnia back in the 90's but it was totaly justified"
Now if you haven't figured out by this point this gal is an Alaskan Native, and shall we say "proud to the detriment of others", of her ethnic heritage. I on the other hand am a proud mutt of both Scottish, German, and Russian, with a little bit of who the hell knows thrown in. So also if you have visited the region of south east Europe the people there look an amazing lot like me, kinda muttish.(random church camp from Bosnia from google images)
This gal was justifiable genocide of the particular ethnic group I am a member of..
Seriously people, pick a group you are not on a date with!!!
This was about when it clicked that my Lackanookie disease had caused the side effect of Myopia, and I needed to realize that my eyesight problem was about to cause a more serious problem. I quickly remembered my early morning run and extricated my self from the situation.
The other gal ,who I asked for her number, the date was uneventful with a complete lack of chemistry.
So the auction comes around I got a few numbers during the social mixer(OK 2, I have no "game"), I get auctioned off for $1100. On the down side I was purchased by a woman in her mid 50's with no interest in a date with me because she was married with kids my age. she wanted a cheap date night with her husband(my donation package was an easy 5 dates, maybe 8 if you didn't do dinner, activity, and drinks somewhere every time). No single friend (AE, "hey I just wanted your donation package, sorry to deny you the chance to hit on OTHER women all night, you don't have a date for valentines day, here is my friend's number she doesn't either, since you were expecting a date anyway...) .
Anyway so I call one of the two women who gave me her number for valentines day, she is crazy, and by crazy I mean raving bat shit crazy. Verbal illustration below.
So Mrs. S and I go on a date:
Call Mrs. S. and ask if she would like to do something on Friday(this is Tuesday, so 3 days after she gave her number to me, no she gave it to me; I was taking an I phone photo and she took my phone from my hand and programed her number into it and said my name is S, call me. ). We set plans for Friday and apparently I am driving. Now it is a little odd that I am picking this gal up at her house on a first date, I don't know her at all, she doesn't know me, but now I know where she lives, I could be a stalker or worse. So this should have set of an alarm bell, (obviously it didn't).
We go out to dinner at a bar/grill across town and burgers and cocktails, all is ok, up until I ask what she does for a living. The conversation goes like this.
"So you know I work at the airport doing import and export stuff, what do you do when you aren't turning heads with fancy dresses?"
"DON'T YOU DARE IMPLY I GOT MY JOB BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN AND AN ALASKA NATIVE(think native American, but from Alaska, Eskimo is a tribe, Alaska native is all the tribes) I GOT MY JOB BECAUSE I AM GOOD AT IT"
"uh, I was just asking where you work"
"I work for south Central foundation." (SCF is a local AK Native hospital/corp, I have several friends who have worked there they experienced discrimination based on their lack of skin tone; attached is the first 3 lines of a position description for Computer programmer,
SCF programs are established for the purpose of serving a primary population comprised of Alaska Natives who are affiliated with the Cook Inlet Region Inc. (CIRI), and Alaska Natives and American Indians within SCF’s geographical service area. Employees should have a thorough understanding of the cultures and the needs of the CIRI members, and of the general culture and needs of Alaska Natives and American Indians. Such knowledge is critical in order to ensure the achievement of the mission and vision of SCF: working together with the Native community to provide the best services with Native staff who value the family and family wellness as the heart of the Native community)
"Ok, so how is working there?" calmed the conversation down nicely.
20 minutes later dinner is over and I am driving her to her house and we are talking when she says hey lets go to X bar it is right by my house and I want to check it out. So we are off to X bar. place looks like a total dive on the outside and you walk past the entry way and it is a decent place.
So we start ttalking again. and I ask what volunteer work she had done because she mentioned it before.
"I worked for XYZ organization"
"What is that?"
"They do criminal defense for accused war criminals"
"So who were they defending"
"They were defending XXX"
"What did he do"
"He is accused of committing genocide in Bosnia back in the 90's but it was totaly justified"
Now if you haven't figured out by this point this gal is an Alaskan Native, and shall we say "proud to the detriment of others", of her ethnic heritage. I on the other hand am a proud mutt of both Scottish, German, and Russian, with a little bit of who the hell knows thrown in. So also if you have visited the region of south east Europe the people there look an amazing lot like me, kinda muttish.(random church camp from Bosnia from google images)
This gal was justifiable genocide of the particular ethnic group I am a member of..
Seriously people, pick a group you are not on a date with!!!
This was about when it clicked that my Lackanookie disease had caused the side effect of Myopia, and I needed to realize that my eyesight problem was about to cause a more serious problem. I quickly remembered my early morning run and extricated my self from the situation.
The other gal ,who I asked for her number, the date was uneventful with a complete lack of chemistry.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Why bother.
So back in June I was convinced to try my hand at internet dating.(Got a very normal relative who met her very normal husband that way). So after a few "you have 5 cats in the photo with you..." conversations, I met a started exchanging emails with a gal who was great, college educated, witty, employed, seemed to click. We swapped photos and agreed to meet for coffee.
So we meet up at a coffee shop about 10 minutes from my house, first thing I notice is her hair is TOTALY differant, as in went from below shoulder length to pixie cut AND a differant color. This bugs me for a few minutes but we are talking plans here about what we are doing for christmas and new years. She wants to know if I am going to be in town(kinda sudden for first date. I finally ask what her hair's change is all about.
It went like this:
Me :"So your photo you had long brown hair, now you have short, blond, large change"
Her:"It's a wig"
Me(did I mention I can be kinda dense): "Why wear a wig? I think you hair looked nice in your photo."(which I realize could be taken as "your hair looks NOT nice now", which is not what I am trying to say, simply that is it a drastic change from a known good to an unknown which also looks nice).
Her: Well I have was on chemotherapy and well I am bald now, but I stopped the chemotherapy because I didn't like how I felt and have decided to die. The doctors have given me 6-8 months to live which is why I was asking about Christmas I want my boyfriend to hold my hand while I die."
Me : "... I'm sorry that you have cancer, that sucks."
(the elephant in the room of, she wants me to emotionally invest in her , get to the serious part of the relationship, so she can die)
Her: " Well ,say something"
Me: "I have to go"
I left and decided that internet dating is not a good plan if you are looking for serious. My relative must be the part of couple from the commercial, while I am the office break room story. In retrospect I am not sure what is worse, that she wanted me to be OK with knowing that she would die after 6-8 months, that she had given up, or that I would have been part of her checklist of life/death. I know breakups happen but to not even have a chance, why bother?
So we meet up at a coffee shop about 10 minutes from my house, first thing I notice is her hair is TOTALY differant, as in went from below shoulder length to pixie cut AND a differant color. This bugs me for a few minutes but we are talking plans here about what we are doing for christmas and new years. She wants to know if I am going to be in town(kinda sudden for first date. I finally ask what her hair's change is all about.
It went like this:
Me :"So your photo you had long brown hair, now you have short, blond, large change"
Her:"It's a wig"
Me(did I mention I can be kinda dense): "Why wear a wig? I think you hair looked nice in your photo."(which I realize could be taken as "your hair looks NOT nice now", which is not what I am trying to say, simply that is it a drastic change from a known good to an unknown which also looks nice).
Her: Well I have was on chemotherapy and well I am bald now, but I stopped the chemotherapy because I didn't like how I felt and have decided to die. The doctors have given me 6-8 months to live which is why I was asking about Christmas I want my boyfriend to hold my hand while I die."
Me : "... I'm sorry that you have cancer, that sucks."
(the elephant in the room of, she wants me to emotionally invest in her , get to the serious part of the relationship, so she can die)
Her: " Well ,say something"
Me: "I have to go"
I left and decided that internet dating is not a good plan if you are looking for serious. My relative must be the part of couple from the commercial, while I am the office break room story. In retrospect I am not sure what is worse, that she wanted me to be OK with knowing that she would die after 6-8 months, that she had given up, or that I would have been part of her checklist of life/death. I know breakups happen but to not even have a chance, why bother?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Changing the rules...
So I started dating a normalish(so I thought) back in August for a couple weeks. It didn't work out well... So for starters I was very up front "I am not really looking for super serious, ring shopping , kids, pets , plants, joint checking accounts, ANY of that" on the first date.
She comes back with she is not looking to get serious either just wants to have fun, both in and out of bed, wants to see if they are decent guys out there(I like to think I am one), and not be tied down by commitments having just gotten out of a not so great marriage. OK so sounds like we are on the same sheets of music.
So we go on a couple dates things are kind of fun, getting home from dates is pretty fun too, she has a couple habits that I find annoying and know that long term would drive me INSANE. I emphasize several times that I am not interested in long term, by asking questions about other guys she is dating, if she thinks any of them will get serious, subtly dropping hint that I wasnt able to hang out Sunday night.
So she calls me up on a Wednesday and asks what I am doing on Friday and can I come over for a date/board games night at her house on Friday since her friend from out of town is visiting. I raise an eyebrow but hey that is that, likely the friend will just stay at her house we will head to my house and she will wake up early to make her house guest(who would be alone that night) breakfast. Works fine for me.
Well, the evening they had planned was more like a "dear penthouse forum" letter, in actuality she wanted the friend to participate, and the friend wanted to participate. Since I had no commitments to the relationship (previously stated), either of the women, and a particularly loud shoulder devil I was also fine with things. So things are well into round 2, when the gal who lives in my town up and goes "AGHH I can't do this:" freaks out and leaves. The gal from out of town says, "Well that kinda ruins the fun", and well that was the end of that.
So if you are going to host an orgy, have rules before, and don't change them half way through, it is really unkind to the participants.
Women are strange.
She comes back with she is not looking to get serious either just wants to have fun, both in and out of bed, wants to see if they are decent guys out there(I like to think I am one), and not be tied down by commitments having just gotten out of a not so great marriage. OK so sounds like we are on the same sheets of music.
So we go on a couple dates things are kind of fun, getting home from dates is pretty fun too, she has a couple habits that I find annoying and know that long term would drive me INSANE. I emphasize several times that I am not interested in long term, by asking questions about other guys she is dating, if she thinks any of them will get serious, subtly dropping hint that I wasnt able to hang out Sunday night.
So she calls me up on a Wednesday and asks what I am doing on Friday and can I come over for a date/board games night at her house on Friday since her friend from out of town is visiting. I raise an eyebrow but hey that is that, likely the friend will just stay at her house we will head to my house and she will wake up early to make her house guest(who would be alone that night) breakfast. Works fine for me.
Well, the evening they had planned was more like a "dear penthouse forum" letter, in actuality she wanted the friend to participate, and the friend wanted to participate. Since I had no commitments to the relationship (previously stated), either of the women, and a particularly loud shoulder devil I was also fine with things. So things are well into round 2, when the gal who lives in my town up and goes "AGHH I can't do this:" freaks out and leaves. The gal from out of town says, "Well that kinda ruins the fun", and well that was the end of that.
So if you are going to host an orgy, have rules before, and don't change them half way through, it is really unkind to the participants.
Women are strange.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Dinner conversations
So this one is not all bad, it does go to show I am stupid for girls with a southern accent though.
I met this gal at a friend's party, sort of a friend of a friend thing and we started dating, things were pretty good. Funny, southern accent (did I mention I am a sucker for that), educated, thinks I am funny...
So after about a month of dating I get invited to a friend of the family's for Easter dinner. These people have known me since I was 8; seriously I went to elementary, middle and high school with their kids. Scary that we are all grown up now. So I invite this gal to dinner as they specifically ask to meet whomever I am dating (they like to tease me about this, they also give my folks updates via email). So my date we will call her April (name changed to prevent embarrassment), has asked what the situation is dress code(because really family friends and such, got to impress them), and we show up on time with the obligatory bottle of wine.
So after about 45 minutes of pre-dinner socializing, we all sit down at the table which is an antique French formal dining table. Think 10-12 seats on each side, with one at each end, hand carved table tops, and may have been used once to sit at and read a just published Charles Dickens novel (NOT JOKING, serious money, seriously old, serious antique) .
First course (soup) is fine small talk, how is college, which car is better Ford or Chevy (Subaru here, but AWD is very important in Alaska). And on and on. So out comes the Easter lamb, and we all get served a slice of lamb roast. I hear a noise and a gasp and low and behold April (just to my right) has whipped out a pocket knife to cut her roast. Now just a Swiss army knife, sure no problem but this is more than that, it is first NOT pocket knife but a tactical knife, blade in the 5 inch range, one handed opening, locking blade. All out of a sun dress, not sure where since she had no pockets. (It is Easter, apparently sun dresses are what you wear on Easter).
http://www.spyderco.com/catalog/details.php?product=358 (web page for knife she had)
The gasp is the hostess who is having a crisis of conscience trying to figure out if the china(likely same ere as the table) we are eating off of will be hurt by the knife and to say something sparing relics from the middle ages, OR to be the impeccable host and not say anything. So dinner conversation goes on for a few minutes as we all politely pretend to ignore the very large very aggressive knife wielding woman in our midst (the lamb was nicely cooked, NOT tough, I managed just fine with the provided knife). After cutting her lamb into bite sized pieces April closed the knife and returned it to not her pocket, but just to the side of her plate. (Now I have carried a Leatherman, Swiss army knife or some such tool since elementary school days, tactical knife not so much).
So the obvious question of how long we have been dating comes up and its follow up question will you continue dating (hey they are like stand in parents). And as April (who was asked the question) answers, the Hostess's husband drops his fork and jumps back in a double take.
Well I knew April had been in a car wreck about a year prior and it was bad (65mph head on). The thing I DIDN'T know was that she had 2 prosthetic upper front teeth that could be popped out for eating. We had done dinner several times but I didn't know about the teeth, she had never taken them out before. Well I did a double take too; someone suddenly missing their front teeth is freaky.
She and I dated about 2 weeks longer and then she found a guy who she liked more and that was the end of that. I never got a good explanation as to why her knife was needed, why the teeth came out, or why I was not a decent enough guy. She was later dumped by that guy and left town in a hurry with a couple theft allegations following her.
Not as strange or quirky as the others but I STILL get grief from the family friends. Ran into them at their daughter’s wedding a month ago and it was the first topic of conversation.
I met this gal at a friend's party, sort of a friend of a friend thing and we started dating, things were pretty good. Funny, southern accent (did I mention I am a sucker for that), educated, thinks I am funny...
So after about a month of dating I get invited to a friend of the family's for Easter dinner. These people have known me since I was 8; seriously I went to elementary, middle and high school with their kids. Scary that we are all grown up now. So I invite this gal to dinner as they specifically ask to meet whomever I am dating (they like to tease me about this, they also give my folks updates via email). So my date we will call her April (name changed to prevent embarrassment), has asked what the situation is dress code(because really family friends and such, got to impress them), and we show up on time with the obligatory bottle of wine.
So after about 45 minutes of pre-dinner socializing, we all sit down at the table which is an antique French formal dining table. Think 10-12 seats on each side, with one at each end, hand carved table tops, and may have been used once to sit at and read a just published Charles Dickens novel (NOT JOKING, serious money, seriously old, serious antique) .
First course (soup) is fine small talk, how is college, which car is better Ford or Chevy (Subaru here, but AWD is very important in Alaska). And on and on. So out comes the Easter lamb, and we all get served a slice of lamb roast. I hear a noise and a gasp and low and behold April (just to my right) has whipped out a pocket knife to cut her roast. Now just a Swiss army knife, sure no problem but this is more than that, it is first NOT pocket knife but a tactical knife, blade in the 5 inch range, one handed opening, locking blade. All out of a sun dress, not sure where since she had no pockets. (It is Easter, apparently sun dresses are what you wear on Easter).
http://www.spyderco.com/catalog/details.php?product=358 (web page for knife she had)
The gasp is the hostess who is having a crisis of conscience trying to figure out if the china(likely same ere as the table) we are eating off of will be hurt by the knife and to say something sparing relics from the middle ages, OR to be the impeccable host and not say anything. So dinner conversation goes on for a few minutes as we all politely pretend to ignore the very large very aggressive knife wielding woman in our midst (the lamb was nicely cooked, NOT tough, I managed just fine with the provided knife). After cutting her lamb into bite sized pieces April closed the knife and returned it to not her pocket, but just to the side of her plate. (Now I have carried a Leatherman, Swiss army knife or some such tool since elementary school days, tactical knife not so much).
So the obvious question of how long we have been dating comes up and its follow up question will you continue dating (hey they are like stand in parents). And as April (who was asked the question) answers, the Hostess's husband drops his fork and jumps back in a double take.
Well I knew April had been in a car wreck about a year prior and it was bad (65mph head on). The thing I DIDN'T know was that she had 2 prosthetic upper front teeth that could be popped out for eating. We had done dinner several times but I didn't know about the teeth, she had never taken them out before. Well I did a double take too; someone suddenly missing their front teeth is freaky.
She and I dated about 2 weeks longer and then she found a guy who she liked more and that was the end of that. I never got a good explanation as to why her knife was needed, why the teeth came out, or why I was not a decent enough guy. She was later dumped by that guy and left town in a hurry with a couple theft allegations following her.
Not as strange or quirky as the others but I STILL get grief from the family friends. Ran into them at their daughter’s wedding a month ago and it was the first topic of conversation.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Been busy couple weeks, and I am a procrastinator
So about 6 months ago I went to a friend's wedding and met via friend of friend of cousin of a gal who seemed nice and we chatted for a good 45 minutes before swapping phone numbers and the promise to do dinner and a night out when I was going to be in her area. She lives about 6 hours north of where I do so planning would be important.
So a week later I am heading up that way for work and I called her before leaving town and she seemed delighted to hear from me. There had been 2 phone calls prior so really every 3 days I had called and talked. She was from a small town in rural middle America, thought that the Red Sox are a better team than the Yankees, and that orange cream ice cream is the best flavor.
So I set up dinner at a fancy hole in the wall that I know is a great place, total of 5 tables, and the waiter actually remembers me from when I went to college in town. We have dinner and turns out she has never had a guy take her to a nice restaurant. So I am already in the "good guy" category. We do a brief walk around the world ice art carving championships (it is Alaska in winter, so it is COLD) and then head into the local indoor mini-golf place to give things a try.
We have a blast playing, all in all a great date thus far. She is having fun, I am enjoying her company, things couldn't be going much better. Then she asks if we cna go visit the friend who introduced us at her work, the friend is a waitress at a bar in town. So we cruise over the friend's place and I get stuck unexpectedly with the tab for a round of cocktails, not just for my date and I but an additional 4 people. Rant about 9 dollar cocktails withheld for fear of ruining the top row on my keyboard.
I play the good date, put on a brave smile and open a tab. To which I ended up signing away a half a week’s worth of wages by the end of the night, my date is drunk, her friends are there too (or slightly on either side of drunk), and I am cold sober because I have been nominated driver and I am too conscious of being a good guy on a date, so getting drunk is not an option for me. Friends dropped off and we are on the way to her house so I can drop her off and not call(standards, getting drunk on first date falls into the not dateable category) when she says lets go to X's bar.
Now I know X from college and we used to hang out that he bought a bar is a surprise, given that he would more likely be at them but never behind one. So we walk in and he is not working tonight, but my date proceeds to start making out with the bouncer/ID checker. So I leave her in his capable hands and head back to my car. She come sprinting out of the bar and asks where I am going and I inform her I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep; that I thought the date was over. She asks why I thought the date was over. I shot back with "SERIOUSLY!!!!?!?!?! You were just making out with the bouncer on our date, after I shelled out fortune to get you and your friends drunk and haven't even gotten a thank you. You are a lousy date, you are incredibly inconsiderate. I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep so I can drive home tomorrow if you want a ride I can drop you off at your house."
So I dropped her off and went back to my hotel to get some sleep. The next day I check my email before heading out and I have had several Facebook mentions so I click on them. Apparently I have been called a lousy date, greedy, selfish, and several other names. SIGH.
Friend of friend of cousin who introduced us apologized when she heard about the date, and gave the reason she introduced us, “well she was single, I knew that much.” *Sigh* Perchance she was single for a reason…
So a week later I am heading up that way for work and I called her before leaving town and she seemed delighted to hear from me. There had been 2 phone calls prior so really every 3 days I had called and talked. She was from a small town in rural middle America, thought that the Red Sox are a better team than the Yankees, and that orange cream ice cream is the best flavor.
So I set up dinner at a fancy hole in the wall that I know is a great place, total of 5 tables, and the waiter actually remembers me from when I went to college in town. We have dinner and turns out she has never had a guy take her to a nice restaurant. So I am already in the "good guy" category. We do a brief walk around the world ice art carving championships (it is Alaska in winter, so it is COLD) and then head into the local indoor mini-golf place to give things a try.
We have a blast playing, all in all a great date thus far. She is having fun, I am enjoying her company, things couldn't be going much better. Then she asks if we cna go visit the friend who introduced us at her work, the friend is a waitress at a bar in town. So we cruise over the friend's place and I get stuck unexpectedly with the tab for a round of cocktails, not just for my date and I but an additional 4 people. Rant about 9 dollar cocktails withheld for fear of ruining the top row on my keyboard.
I play the good date, put on a brave smile and open a tab. To which I ended up signing away a half a week’s worth of wages by the end of the night, my date is drunk, her friends are there too (or slightly on either side of drunk), and I am cold sober because I have been nominated driver and I am too conscious of being a good guy on a date, so getting drunk is not an option for me. Friends dropped off and we are on the way to her house so I can drop her off and not call(standards, getting drunk on first date falls into the not dateable category) when she says lets go to X's bar.
Now I know X from college and we used to hang out that he bought a bar is a surprise, given that he would more likely be at them but never behind one. So we walk in and he is not working tonight, but my date proceeds to start making out with the bouncer/ID checker. So I leave her in his capable hands and head back to my car. She come sprinting out of the bar and asks where I am going and I inform her I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep; that I thought the date was over. She asks why I thought the date was over. I shot back with "SERIOUSLY!!!!?!?!?! You were just making out with the bouncer on our date, after I shelled out fortune to get you and your friends drunk and haven't even gotten a thank you. You are a lousy date, you are incredibly inconsiderate. I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep so I can drive home tomorrow if you want a ride I can drop you off at your house."
So I dropped her off and went back to my hotel to get some sleep. The next day I check my email before heading out and I have had several Facebook mentions so I click on them. Apparently I have been called a lousy date, greedy, selfish, and several other names. SIGH.
Friend of friend of cousin who introduced us apologized when she heard about the date, and gave the reason she introduced us, “well she was single, I knew that much.” *Sigh* Perchance she was single for a reason…
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