Sunday, May 12, 2013

You smell like purple....

So I went on vacation to Europe to visit a friend of mine. I normally live in Alaska(best state there is), but I have friends and family all over the world so I can couch surf which makes vacation pretty fun. So I collaborated with my friend who lives in Holland to visit, and go out clubbing. We get dressed up for an event called "Expats in Amsterdam, black and white ball" meaning you have to wear black and white. So I get a nice set up together and so does my female friend(no just friends, we dated WAY back in high school and it just wouldn't work). We get to the party, and start dancing.

Now I have to back up,  while I love Alaska it does have some problems(snow, population ratio, and lack of in and out burger being the big ones); the population ratio problem has led to some interesting effects on population dynamics there. An economist would describe the dating scene as a scarcity situation, where in the existing commodities take on higher than expected prices due to set demand and reduced supply.

When you apply this economic rule to dating in Alaska the following happens, due to a shortage of eligible women(smart, funny, HS education, less than 4 kids, non felon, employed), those who only have SOME positive characteristics are enhanced in desirability, and those with LOTS of desirable characteristics are enhanced more. Basically you can apply a +2 handicap to the average woman in Alaska. So in the lower 48, an average looking woman who is less than desirable (a felony record, and HS drop out) would rate say a 5 on a datable scale would in Alaska be a 7.(10 being perfect). So Holland gets a MINUS 2 handicap, the average woman there is MUCH hotter than the average American, much better educated( did I mention accents are HOT), and in general a good sense of humor.  Applying this to my situation, I am basically surrounded by very attractive women in a dance club with an ideal wing chick helping me out. I am set to have an excellent night.

So after about 30 minutes of dancing my wing chick informs me that I need to look to my back left side and I see this amazingly hot redhead. A coworker of my friend who is with us informs us that he knows her and will introduce me(lets call the coworker, Dylan). Dylan goes over to her and says something to effect of "hey you want you to meet my friends", she comes over. Dylan says " Julie, this is Sensitive New Age Guy, and his old HS friend E, he is here visiting and getting the scoop on the guy she wants to date".  This gal Julie never even looks at me, totally invades my bubble and starts touching my wing chick's hair, saying "you hair is so soft, your so pretty, your hair is so soft". Now three things are immediately evident, 1 I am not getting laid tonight(wrong team...), 2 my wing chick might(both teams), 3 Julie is high as a kite on X.

So I am going all role reversal and start backing out of the conversation(really at this point is basically my bisexual female friend getting groped by a very hot redhead who is obviously high on X); but NO my friend tries a last ditch recovery from a stall for me bringing up that I am her marathon training partner. I play it down, I kinda don't want women who are so high they don't remember things waking up in bed with me.  Also I don't think I could sleep with a woman who is high on X, granted I'm sure she would love it, hell petting a cactus on X is supposed to be fun, but 90% in control of mental facilities is important.  So I eject from the conversation as Julie continues to pet my friend's hair while feeling herself up, I feel a little dirty after a couple minutes of watching my friend attempt to politely NOT get groped on the dance floor, and we elect to leave. My friend mentions she was waiting for the line "Your hair smells like purple" to be dropped but it never was. 

All in all a fun night out though, least my friend got to get groped and watch a hot redhead grope herself. I on the other hand don't smell like purple.