Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Bachelor Auction(AKA Mrs.S and I go on a date)

So I was convinced to participate in a bachelor auction to raise money for charity(American Diabetes Association). The organizer basically said that until I was purchased, I was free to flirt with whomever I wanted at the auction(really 400 women, 25 guys, should be able to get a number or 3). So the prep work for the auction included getting a tux, gathering donations from various businesses around town(hair/nail appointments, dinner for 2, tickets to various museums, massages at spa place, coffees at another place; all told the total value of the stuff I gathered was 1500 dollars).

So the auction comes around I got a few numbers during the social mixer(OK 2, I have no "game"), I get auctioned off for $1100. On the down side I was purchased by a woman in her mid 50's with no interest in a date with me because she was married with kids my age. she wanted a cheap date night with her husband(my donation package was an easy 5 dates, maybe 8 if you didn't do dinner, activity, and drinks somewhere every time). No single friend (AE, "hey I just wanted your donation package, sorry to deny you the chance to hit on OTHER women all night, you don't have a date for valentines day,  here is my friend's number she doesn't either,  since you were expecting a date anyway...) .

Anyway so I call one of the two women who gave me her number for valentines day, she is crazy, and by crazy I mean raving bat shit crazy.  Verbal illustration below.

So Mrs. S and I go on a date:

Call Mrs. S. and ask if she would like to do something on Friday(this is Tuesday, so 3 days after she gave her number to me, no she gave it to me; I was taking an I phone photo and she took my phone from my hand and programed her number into it and said my name is S, call me. ). We set plans for Friday and apparently I am driving. Now it is a little odd that I am picking this gal up at her house on a first date, I don't know her at all, she doesn't know me, but now I know where she lives, I could be a stalker or worse. So this should have set of an alarm bell, (obviously it didn't).

We go out to dinner at a bar/grill across town and burgers and cocktails, all is ok, up until I ask what she does for a living. The conversation goes like this.

"So you know I work at the airport doing import and export stuff, what do you do when you aren't turning heads with fancy dresses?"
"DON'T YOU DARE IMPLY I GOT MY JOB BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN AND AN ALASKA NATIVE(think native American, but from Alaska, Eskimo is a tribe, Alaska native is all the tribes) I GOT MY JOB BECAUSE I AM GOOD AT IT"
"uh, I was just asking where you work"
"I work for south Central foundation." (SCF is a local AK Native hospital/corp, I have several friends who have worked there they experienced discrimination based on their lack of skin tone; attached is the first 3 lines of a position description for Computer programmer,
SCF programs are established for the purpose of serving a primary population comprised of Alaska Natives who are affiliated with the Cook Inlet Region Inc. (CIRI), and Alaska Natives and American Indians within SCF’s geographical service area. Employees should have a thorough understanding of the cultures and the needs of the CIRI members, and of the general culture and needs of Alaska Natives and American Indians. Such knowledge is critical in order to ensure the achievement of the mission and vision of SCF: working together with the Native community to provide the best services with Native staff who value the family and family wellness as the heart of the Native community)
"Ok, so how is working there?" calmed the conversation down nicely.

20 minutes later dinner is over and I am driving her to her house and we are talking when she says hey lets go to X bar it is right by my house and I want to check it out. So we are off to X bar. place looks like a total dive on the outside and you walk past the entry way and it is a decent place.
So we start ttalking again. and I ask what volunteer work she had done because she mentioned it before.
"I worked for XYZ organization"
"What is that?"
"They do criminal defense for accused war criminals"
"So who were they defending"
"They were defending XXX"
"What did he do"
"He is accused of committing genocide in Bosnia back in the 90's but it was totaly justified"

Now if you haven't figured out by this point this gal is an Alaskan Native, and shall we say "proud to the detriment of others", of her ethnic heritage. I on the other hand am a proud mutt of both Scottish, German, and Russian, with a little bit of who the hell knows thrown in. So also if you have visited the region of south east Europe the people there look an amazing lot like me, kinda muttish.(random church camp from Bosnia from google images)

This gal was justifiable genocide of the particular ethnic group I am a member of..
Seriously people, pick a group you are not on a date with!!!

This was about when it clicked that my Lackanookie disease had caused the side effect of Myopia, and I needed to realize that my eyesight problem was about to cause a more serious problem. I quickly remembered my early morning run and extricated my self from the situation.

The other gal ,who I asked for her number, the date was uneventful with a complete lack of chemistry.

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