Monday, May 19, 2014


   So after getting temporarily stationed down south for work for 6 weeks and then a 2 week vacation I was going to try internet dating again.

SO... get a few responses to messages(I am VERY selective about my criteria, no kids, employed, college or higher, within 3 years age wise, shared interests, keeps in shape).

I get a nibble from a college educated gal, pretty, we swap emails for a week, then off to a night out, goes well, I walk her home(she lives walking distance from down town). She leans in for good night kiss, all is good, obviously a second date is in line. Now prior to the date she has told me she is going on vacation for 2 weeks and that she will be back XYZ date.

Second date, we agree to meet up at a local pizza place and grab a slice before whatever. She is outside as I pull up and we walk in. I pull out her chair and catch a whiff of weed. She isn't just a little stoned either she reeks of it, and the conversation goes like this.

"Did you have any great adventures on your vacation?"

"...... like what?"
"we saw buildings that were old"(seriously I'm not familiar with the effects of weed first hand but I have observed second hand and well this appears to be a classic).

"So, did you get to visit your friends from highschool that were living there?"

*pizza delivered*

Conversation is over because I obviously misjudged the gal, and well I decided that the pizza is better anyway.

Pro tip, don't show up to dates stoned ladies...

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Hospital grade crazy

So a friend introduced me to her nurse friend who was single at a BBQ back in August. We hit it off and agree to do dinner some time. Dinner and drinks turns into long conversation, things are going great. Couple more dates and we are seeing each other.

Now this gal has a semi graveyard shift, (0400-1200) so we don't get to hang out much due to the sleep requirements of her job and mine. So shift selection for the next 6 months comes up at my job. I take the crappiest shift imaginable so I can spend time with this woman, yes I took a 0330-1130 shift. Now shift selection takes place 3 weeks before the actual shifts. So first of October I'm picking and middle of October I'm working it.

This gal had expressed an interest in going dancing. I happen to be pretty well connected and have 2 friends who are VERY good dancers, it may have to do with their YEARS of teaching it professionally, taking lessons, or just that one of them is gay(I've seen a gay man who couldn't dance, but he was also wheelchair bound). So I plan it out with them, with her, and actually take Saturday off (did I mention I changed my weekend so I don't work on Monday or Tuesdays). So Friday afternoon at 6pm she calls me and cancels wanting to reschedule for next week. She gets my voice mail because she knows I am doing lap swim.,OK, that is AWESOME, I explain to my friends that it is just a guys(I won't potentially offend anyone) night out. So I'm at a gay bar, ALONE, with two very good dancers, and no hope of getting laid(in any ways that I wanted to be laid, the bartender did get sorta flirty :-/ ).

So come next weekend, I call to confirm she is IN for the evening before confirming with my friends. NOPE she totally forgot. Forgot the 2 phone calls where we talked about it earlier in the week, or when I asked about it when I dropped off her lunch at her office and wanted to eat with her. So I am DD for 2 men at the gay bar , AGAIN. I decide that I'm done with being a food delivery/ crying shoulder, and until she realizes that I'm not particularly into that I'm done being a whipping boy. I call her on it, ask what is up. "Nothing honest mistakes... "

So Tuesday she texts me about dropping off lunch, yeah that goes GREAT because I'm out of town. tell her and she doesn't believe me. (not like I'm posting to Facebook, photos of land I want to buy outside city 200 miles away). So  I get back to town and get a "we need to talk" text.

Phone call, I'm about to say "hey, I'm done, you cant seem to keep your shit together and I'm not getting what I want out of this relationship, see ya no hard feelings", when she says it. So hey no hard feelings, it is mutual. She wants to stay friends, and I'm OK with that.

3 weeks

She calls me up and asks I wanna do lunch and catch up, I say sure between 130 and 2 meet up at XYZ place. I show up after working a double, and start downing coffee. I;m on my 3rd cup, and 2 ladies who are obviously old friends start chatting with me from a nearby table. They are HAMMERED (yes at 145 PM on a Thursday) and on their third bottle of wine. They are both in their late 30's but having a girls day out because their husbands are at a work conference and why not. So they want up to speed on who I'm waiting on(it is obvious). So 215 rolls around and she walks into one of the nicer places in town, in scrubs, an hour and fifteen minutes after work.

I ask if she wants to order any food(I'm contemplating eating the centerpiece at this point) and she says "No"
so I order a burger and fries. She doesn't want any food but asked me to lunch(I could get a 20 dollar hamburger at home for WAY cheaper). Anyway the that I had been chatting with prior to her arrival(15 minutes late, no call no text, I will write you off and meet new people) introduce themselves, and start asking the normal questions(job, like it, how long friends, ect ect). My food arrives, I start demolishing the burger, and she picks up the ketchup, opens it and ketchups my fries en mass and starts eating them.

Now french fries are sacred, you don't put ketchup on them prior to being ready to eat, they get soggy. But this woman who I'm not dating, not sleeping with, and "isn't hungry" has just violated my fries, and stolen some of them. I don't explode due to being in a better restaurant, and that I am too tired. after about 15 fries. This woman answers the last question she was asked, I ask how her day at work was, and she says "It was good, I'm leaving" . I am not even halfway through my burger(and I can devour food), and she has been there 7 minutes, literally. So I waited 45 minutes to ask how your day was, and have you violate my french fries.

She leaves, I pick up the check and head to my car. I start driving and she calls me talking about how I sabotaged out lunch date with my drunken friends, and she felt ambushed. I said 3 times that I had never seen them before that day and she doesn't believe me.  So after she starts screaming at me over the phone (while I'm driving home), I hang up. I ignore the call back. 20 minutes later the friend who's BBQ we met at calls me and asks for the story.  Friend stays neutral and says "well, you need a better vetting process for who you date".