So background, it might be important, that whole context thing. I am 30, about 4 years ago I moved 2000 miles from Idaho back to Alaska so I could date a girl who was my best friend. It went great... for about 2 years, engagement(8 months), , wedding (zero months), marriage counseling(month 9), her getting a guy on the side(month 9.5), more counseling(month 9.5), another guy on the side(month 16), me getting all messed up in the head and thinking I was the issue(month 16)... Yeah. long story short when the time to sign papers I signed them(month 19).
After getting my head straightened out(month 25) I decided that winter gets cold and I didn't want to spend it with company, maybe not serious but I didn't know what was out there and I should maybe start dating. Lets just say that things are not what I remember, first I have the real issue of I am 30, second I am divorced, third I am a little eccentric. By a little eccentric I mean I am the guy who can order dinner in 4 languages, badly in a 5th, breakfast well not so much. I have ridden 1000 miles in 21 hours on a motorcycle, through a rain storm because I said I would meet people at the other end on time. Driven the Alaskan highway twice, spent the night on top of a mountain in a snow bank at -34 with a 40 mile per hour wind, and ran a marathon(OK that is upcoming, come on June 23!!!).
So dating is something that I have never been really fond of, I enjoy meeting new people but I seem to have rotten luck as far as dating them. For instance, I once met a woman through work, same age as me, we talked on the phone twice(total of about 45 minutes), and plan out what to do on Friday night. She decides she wants to dinner and a movie. Pretty standard and this is my first date since harvest season on the farm (think 7 says a week, 16 hours a day for 12 weeks, dating is second to sleep).
So I show up at this gal's address, check my hair, and ring the door bell. Her sister answers, and mentions that she will be heading out. I am PERFECTLY OK with this(yes, my motives at 100% pure... OK 50%). The sister says " I hope you don't mind waiting she will be right out". So after about 5 minutes of waiting she come around the corner of her house and BAM she is dressed to the nines, hair in curlers, sweat pants, and undershirt 2 sizes too big. Apparently I was expecting a little more effort for a first date, and I must have a lousy poker face because she blurts out " I thought I would cook you dinner and we could stay in and watch a DVD" Now no joke here, while she is an interesting woman, she is also the first woman I have had a realistic chance of making out with since the middle of the summer and she wants to stay in comfortable clothes, on her couch, in her house with me next to her and watch a DVD; that is almost code for lets make out and see where it goes. So I am good for this. Well dinner turns out to be a bag of microwave popcorn, extra salt. Well about one handful of popcorn in she declares she is thirsty and is getting a drink do I want anything, I ask what she has, Jack Daniels and water. The sister has loudly announced that she is going to go read in her room, and closes the door.
So this gal proceeds to bring the whole bottle of Jack back to the couch, cuddle up next to me, give me my glass of water and then proceed to half a bottle fifth of Jack Daniels. Not only is this alarming but part of my mind goes, wow we haven't even started the movie. She then asks what movie I want to see, my options are "Finding Nemo", "The Reef", and "Little Mermaid". . Getting the theme here, water and animated. OK... Oh yeah this is the part when I get to meet her kid, yeah the one that I didn't know about. Kinda alarming since this completely destroys my plan for the night. The second alarming part is when her 6ish year old kid asks for dinner and gets the bag of popcorn(I am hungry but I am not going to fight a 6 year old for food...). The movie starts and I am going, "well this is a first and last date, 2 hours of her leaning on my shoulder and I am out of here to hit the delete button on her phone number".
The sister comes back into the room, and shares the pop corn. My date continues to hit the Jack and the bottle is well into the last and Nemo's dad is racing against jelly fish when she starts getting frisky with me. Not simply making out (which would have been pretty weird due to the kid and sister in the room), but grabbing my crotch, putting my hand down her pants... you get the idea. I am running out of polite dodges and her phone rings(I think the only time in my life that I have ever been being dragged round 2nd base and WANTED an interruption).
She answers it and it is her ex husband(also a new sudden thing), and she informs me that he is on his way over and is drunk(wow really, who isn't). As she finishes telling me that they divorced due to his(only his???) drinking and physical abuse I hear a truck outside as it plows through her hedge and blocks her drive way with his truck narrowly missing my car.
So drunk ex husband falls out of his truck and storms the house, show of agility that makes my date look stone cold sober. Gets in the front door and proceeds to fall against it, bounce off, regain his balance, open it and get inside to fall again. The ex then tries to start a fight with me only he can't stand up, and is about 50 pounds lighter than me. I can't really tell what he is saying but he is claiming to protect his ex's honor(which in my humble opinion fled long ago screaming into the night). He will not stop trying to fight me, the sister is laughing her butt off(because humor is laughing at the misery of others), my date is attempting to get me to fight him, and the 6 year old is cheering for Nemo(currently swimming in a dentist's fish tank).
The ex husband makes it to his feet throws a punch, falls; I grab his arm and put him in an arm lock, and ask the sister to move his truck from in front of my car. She locates his keys in the front walk, and moves his truck. I announce that I have had a wonderful evening, and would call(OK I LIED, I didn't want to cause a scene... ). I let the husband go, sprint out the door into my car and was seeing exactly how fast my car would go.
That is about a solid 8 on a 1-10 scale of strange dates.
I'll see what I can do as far as a 9 later.
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