So this one is not all bad, it does go to show I am stupid for girls with a southern accent though.
I met this gal at a friend's party, sort of a friend of a friend thing and we started dating, things were pretty good. Funny, southern accent (did I mention I am a sucker for that), educated, thinks I am funny...
So after about a month of dating I get invited to a friend of the family's for Easter dinner. These people have known me since I was 8; seriously I went to elementary, middle and high school with their kids. Scary that we are all grown up now. So I invite this gal to dinner as they specifically ask to meet whomever I am dating (they like to tease me about this, they also give my folks updates via email). So my date we will call her April (name changed to prevent embarrassment), has asked what the situation is dress code(because really family friends and such, got to impress them), and we show up on time with the obligatory bottle of wine.
So after about 45 minutes of pre-dinner socializing, we all sit down at the table which is an antique French formal dining table. Think 10-12 seats on each side, with one at each end, hand carved table tops, and may have been used once to sit at and read a just published Charles Dickens novel (NOT JOKING, serious money, seriously old, serious antique) .
First course (soup) is fine small talk, how is college, which car is better Ford or Chevy (Subaru here, but AWD is very important in Alaska). And on and on. So out comes the Easter lamb, and we all get served a slice of lamb roast. I hear a noise and a gasp and low and behold April (just to my right) has whipped out a pocket knife to cut her roast. Now just a Swiss army knife, sure no problem but this is more than that, it is first NOT pocket knife but a tactical knife, blade in the 5 inch range, one handed opening, locking blade. All out of a sun dress, not sure where since she had no pockets. (It is Easter, apparently sun dresses are what you wear on Easter).
http://www.spyderco.com/catalog/details.php?product=358 (web page for knife she had)
The gasp is the hostess who is having a crisis of conscience trying to figure out if the china(likely same ere as the table) we are eating off of will be hurt by the knife and to say something sparing relics from the middle ages, OR to be the impeccable host and not say anything. So dinner conversation goes on for a few minutes as we all politely pretend to ignore the very large very aggressive knife wielding woman in our midst (the lamb was nicely cooked, NOT tough, I managed just fine with the provided knife). After cutting her lamb into bite sized pieces April closed the knife and returned it to not her pocket, but just to the side of her plate. (Now I have carried a Leatherman, Swiss army knife or some such tool since elementary school days, tactical knife not so much).
So the obvious question of how long we have been dating comes up and its follow up question will you continue dating (hey they are like stand in parents). And as April (who was asked the question) answers, the Hostess's husband drops his fork and jumps back in a double take.
Well I knew April had been in a car wreck about a year prior and it was bad (65mph head on). The thing I DIDN'T know was that she had 2 prosthetic upper front teeth that could be popped out for eating. We had done dinner several times but I didn't know about the teeth, she had never taken them out before. Well I did a double take too; someone suddenly missing their front teeth is freaky.
She and I dated about 2 weeks longer and then she found a guy who she liked more and that was the end of that. I never got a good explanation as to why her knife was needed, why the teeth came out, or why I was not a decent enough guy. She was later dumped by that guy and left town in a hurry with a couple theft allegations following her.
Not as strange or quirky as the others but I STILL get grief from the family friends. Ran into them at their daughter’s wedding a month ago and it was the first topic of conversation.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Been busy couple weeks, and I am a procrastinator
So about 6 months ago I went to a friend's wedding and met via friend of friend of cousin of a gal who seemed nice and we chatted for a good 45 minutes before swapping phone numbers and the promise to do dinner and a night out when I was going to be in her area. She lives about 6 hours north of where I do so planning would be important.
So a week later I am heading up that way for work and I called her before leaving town and she seemed delighted to hear from me. There had been 2 phone calls prior so really every 3 days I had called and talked. She was from a small town in rural middle America, thought that the Red Sox are a better team than the Yankees, and that orange cream ice cream is the best flavor.
So I set up dinner at a fancy hole in the wall that I know is a great place, total of 5 tables, and the waiter actually remembers me from when I went to college in town. We have dinner and turns out she has never had a guy take her to a nice restaurant. So I am already in the "good guy" category. We do a brief walk around the world ice art carving championships (it is Alaska in winter, so it is COLD) and then head into the local indoor mini-golf place to give things a try.
We have a blast playing, all in all a great date thus far. She is having fun, I am enjoying her company, things couldn't be going much better. Then she asks if we cna go visit the friend who introduced us at her work, the friend is a waitress at a bar in town. So we cruise over the friend's place and I get stuck unexpectedly with the tab for a round of cocktails, not just for my date and I but an additional 4 people. Rant about 9 dollar cocktails withheld for fear of ruining the top row on my keyboard.
I play the good date, put on a brave smile and open a tab. To which I ended up signing away a half a week’s worth of wages by the end of the night, my date is drunk, her friends are there too (or slightly on either side of drunk), and I am cold sober because I have been nominated driver and I am too conscious of being a good guy on a date, so getting drunk is not an option for me. Friends dropped off and we are on the way to her house so I can drop her off and not call(standards, getting drunk on first date falls into the not dateable category) when she says lets go to X's bar.
Now I know X from college and we used to hang out that he bought a bar is a surprise, given that he would more likely be at them but never behind one. So we walk in and he is not working tonight, but my date proceeds to start making out with the bouncer/ID checker. So I leave her in his capable hands and head back to my car. She come sprinting out of the bar and asks where I am going and I inform her I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep; that I thought the date was over. She asks why I thought the date was over. I shot back with "SERIOUSLY!!!!?!?!?! You were just making out with the bouncer on our date, after I shelled out fortune to get you and your friends drunk and haven't even gotten a thank you. You are a lousy date, you are incredibly inconsiderate. I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep so I can drive home tomorrow if you want a ride I can drop you off at your house."
So I dropped her off and went back to my hotel to get some sleep. The next day I check my email before heading out and I have had several Facebook mentions so I click on them. Apparently I have been called a lousy date, greedy, selfish, and several other names. SIGH.
Friend of friend of cousin who introduced us apologized when she heard about the date, and gave the reason she introduced us, “well she was single, I knew that much.” *Sigh* Perchance she was single for a reason…
So a week later I am heading up that way for work and I called her before leaving town and she seemed delighted to hear from me. There had been 2 phone calls prior so really every 3 days I had called and talked. She was from a small town in rural middle America, thought that the Red Sox are a better team than the Yankees, and that orange cream ice cream is the best flavor.
So I set up dinner at a fancy hole in the wall that I know is a great place, total of 5 tables, and the waiter actually remembers me from when I went to college in town. We have dinner and turns out she has never had a guy take her to a nice restaurant. So I am already in the "good guy" category. We do a brief walk around the world ice art carving championships (it is Alaska in winter, so it is COLD) and then head into the local indoor mini-golf place to give things a try.
We have a blast playing, all in all a great date thus far. She is having fun, I am enjoying her company, things couldn't be going much better. Then she asks if we cna go visit the friend who introduced us at her work, the friend is a waitress at a bar in town. So we cruise over the friend's place and I get stuck unexpectedly with the tab for a round of cocktails, not just for my date and I but an additional 4 people. Rant about 9 dollar cocktails withheld for fear of ruining the top row on my keyboard.
I play the good date, put on a brave smile and open a tab. To which I ended up signing away a half a week’s worth of wages by the end of the night, my date is drunk, her friends are there too (or slightly on either side of drunk), and I am cold sober because I have been nominated driver and I am too conscious of being a good guy on a date, so getting drunk is not an option for me. Friends dropped off and we are on the way to her house so I can drop her off and not call(standards, getting drunk on first date falls into the not dateable category) when she says lets go to X's bar.
Now I know X from college and we used to hang out that he bought a bar is a surprise, given that he would more likely be at them but never behind one. So we walk in and he is not working tonight, but my date proceeds to start making out with the bouncer/ID checker. So I leave her in his capable hands and head back to my car. She come sprinting out of the bar and asks where I am going and I inform her I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep; that I thought the date was over. She asks why I thought the date was over. I shot back with "SERIOUSLY!!!!?!?!?! You were just making out with the bouncer on our date, after I shelled out fortune to get you and your friends drunk and haven't even gotten a thank you. You are a lousy date, you are incredibly inconsiderate. I am going back to my hotel to get some sleep so I can drive home tomorrow if you want a ride I can drop you off at your house."
So I dropped her off and went back to my hotel to get some sleep. The next day I check my email before heading out and I have had several Facebook mentions so I click on them. Apparently I have been called a lousy date, greedy, selfish, and several other names. SIGH.
Friend of friend of cousin who introduced us apologized when she heard about the date, and gave the reason she introduced us, “well she was single, I knew that much.” *Sigh* Perchance she was single for a reason…
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Worst sex ever...
So in keeping with my theme of relationships are strange places....
I went on a date with a woman I hadn't seen since college(friend of friend) and it went great. Good conversation, funny, anyway we ended up back at her place. Movie goes into the DVD player and she is leaning on my shoulder. Now this is my first date with this woman, but we had hung out some in college and I realize that relationships are not exactly built on hooking up on the first date so I distance my self from this by getting another glass of wine (you know, to help my judgement... ).
So the movie is a romantic comedy about John Cussack and some gal who finds the other half of Cussacks glove pair in a sale bin. Lots of sappy stuff, lots of potential. So about 3/4th the way through the movie she asks if I can give back rubs(I can, though I usually put them in the clothes off realm) and well heck I am human I offer.
She lays down on her front facing the TV and I kneel and start rubbing. So about 5 minutes into the massage, she says stop, she does that magical bra off from under shirt and pulls her shirt off all while laying down. I don't know how women can do that, it takes me 2 hands, a bright light, and a schematic to do it. She then asks me to continue, and well being human, having an attractive half naked woman in front/under me. (no kissing here, just a back rub and her leaning on me thus far).
So she stops the massage again ans asks me to get her more wine, so I get some for both of us.
Now this is about glass 5 for me and I am really not in condition to drive(which in my mind I won't be), and I mention this. She says, not a problem you can stay here. My mind starts doing the "happy dance" (this looks something like me dancing to disco after I have aquired some sort of seziure disorder). So about 5 minutes later the movie ends and she announces that she is going to get ready for bed.
So she puts her shirt back on, and says "here is a blanket for the couch. I upstairs and we are not sleeping together". So since there hadn't been too mcuh leading(no kissing, no talk about it) on I can deal with that, IT would have been fun but hey "life is what happens when you have other plans". So I bundle up on the couch and pass out.
Next morning I get up, when she does, we have breakfast and I am off to my house. I get home and take a shower. I get out of my shower to a ringing phone and it is the mutual friend from college(we still hang out).
Apparently when my mutual friend asked how the night went it went something like I got drunk, "made advances dispite being told to stop", she pulled a gun and shot me. I cannot locate this bullet hole, I have looked, if there are SANE, attractive women reading this that are interested in looking... ;) . So my freind had known me for over 6 years at that point, and the mutual friend for only about 3 so her story got questioned. This sort of thing isn't me, I am actually a little too passive in taht department, forcing the issue isn't my style. So my friend of 6 years starts asking questions. How many times did you shoot him, where did you shoot him, what happened after you shot him, you know the pretty standard things that if you shoot someone they likely will remember.
So my friend of 6 years called me to see how my bullet wounds(yes, multiple times apparently) are doing. The version she heard of our night basicly ended with me driving off drunk into the night after bleeding all over her apartment. Only problem with this version of the evening is my lack of extra holes, stitches, my breathing(multiple bullet wounds usually require LOTS of doctors), and my truck not having blood in it. So my friend basicly says well I thought she was a little off but never that bad.
So about this time I get another phone call from a second mutual friend (small crowd) and appently a second version of events in which I was only threatened with a gun because of a warning shot has surfaced.
I haven't even finished drying my hair and I am finally hitting the relization that I have been accused of a felony( I have never even smoked pot or cigarettes at this point). I get REALLY offended that someone is accusing me of this sort of thing. If I was that desperate to get laid I would just go find a floozy at a bar, craigslist, or dial 1800escorts4u(not sure if that is a real number but it might actually be one). It still makes me mad thinking that someone accused me of that.
So I tell the second friend that if the next time she talks to this gal if she thinks that I did anything she needs to go to the cops and report it. The second friend actually had lunch later that day with her and apparently the story had grown even more to include me beating on her prior to the gun. Problem is that at 5'11 and 225 lbs, lifting weights every day and swimming 2 miles, I should be able to leave some marks.
This one scores a 10 of 10. Apparently there is a club of guys who also think that she is BSC(bat shit crazy), now woman crazy is normal, stuff like bathroom in packs, 100 pairs of shoes, does dress make me look fat questions. BSC is a much higher level of crazy, sort of like a Ford is a car, a Ferrari is a car too but with many more bells and whistles and obviously should be noticed.
I went on a date with a woman I hadn't seen since college(friend of friend) and it went great. Good conversation, funny, anyway we ended up back at her place. Movie goes into the DVD player and she is leaning on my shoulder. Now this is my first date with this woman, but we had hung out some in college and I realize that relationships are not exactly built on hooking up on the first date so I distance my self from this by getting another glass of wine (you know, to help my judgement... ).
So the movie is a romantic comedy about John Cussack and some gal who finds the other half of Cussacks glove pair in a sale bin. Lots of sappy stuff, lots of potential. So about 3/4th the way through the movie she asks if I can give back rubs(I can, though I usually put them in the clothes off realm) and well heck I am human I offer.
She lays down on her front facing the TV and I kneel and start rubbing. So about 5 minutes into the massage, she says stop, she does that magical bra off from under shirt and pulls her shirt off all while laying down. I don't know how women can do that, it takes me 2 hands, a bright light, and a schematic to do it. She then asks me to continue, and well being human, having an attractive half naked woman in front/under me. (no kissing here, just a back rub and her leaning on me thus far).
So she stops the massage again ans asks me to get her more wine, so I get some for both of us.
Now this is about glass 5 for me and I am really not in condition to drive(which in my mind I won't be), and I mention this. She says, not a problem you can stay here. My mind starts doing the "happy dance" (this looks something like me dancing to disco after I have aquired some sort of seziure disorder). So about 5 minutes later the movie ends and she announces that she is going to get ready for bed.
So she puts her shirt back on, and says "here is a blanket for the couch. I upstairs and we are not sleeping together". So since there hadn't been too mcuh leading(no kissing, no talk about it) on I can deal with that, IT would have been fun but hey "life is what happens when you have other plans". So I bundle up on the couch and pass out.
Next morning I get up, when she does, we have breakfast and I am off to my house. I get home and take a shower. I get out of my shower to a ringing phone and it is the mutual friend from college(we still hang out).
Apparently when my mutual friend asked how the night went it went something like I got drunk, "made advances dispite being told to stop", she pulled a gun and shot me. I cannot locate this bullet hole, I have looked, if there are SANE, attractive women reading this that are interested in looking... ;) . So my freind had known me for over 6 years at that point, and the mutual friend for only about 3 so her story got questioned. This sort of thing isn't me, I am actually a little too passive in taht department, forcing the issue isn't my style. So my friend of 6 years starts asking questions. How many times did you shoot him, where did you shoot him, what happened after you shot him, you know the pretty standard things that if you shoot someone they likely will remember.
So my friend of 6 years called me to see how my bullet wounds(yes, multiple times apparently) are doing. The version she heard of our night basicly ended with me driving off drunk into the night after bleeding all over her apartment. Only problem with this version of the evening is my lack of extra holes, stitches, my breathing(multiple bullet wounds usually require LOTS of doctors), and my truck not having blood in it. So my friend basicly says well I thought she was a little off but never that bad.
So about this time I get another phone call from a second mutual friend (small crowd) and appently a second version of events in which I was only threatened with a gun because of a warning shot has surfaced.
I haven't even finished drying my hair and I am finally hitting the relization that I have been accused of a felony( I have never even smoked pot or cigarettes at this point). I get REALLY offended that someone is accusing me of this sort of thing. If I was that desperate to get laid I would just go find a floozy at a bar, craigslist, or dial 1800escorts4u(not sure if that is a real number but it might actually be one). It still makes me mad thinking that someone accused me of that.
So I tell the second friend that if the next time she talks to this gal if she thinks that I did anything she needs to go to the cops and report it. The second friend actually had lunch later that day with her and apparently the story had grown even more to include me beating on her prior to the gun. Problem is that at 5'11 and 225 lbs, lifting weights every day and swimming 2 miles, I should be able to leave some marks.
This one scores a 10 of 10. Apparently there is a club of guys who also think that she is BSC(bat shit crazy), now woman crazy is normal, stuff like bathroom in packs, 100 pairs of shoes, does dress make me look fat questions. BSC is a much higher level of crazy, sort of like a Ford is a car, a Ferrari is a car too but with many more bells and whistles and obviously should be noticed.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Work keeps me too busy
So work is keeping me too busy to post here. I should be back by the 10th.
until then ill leave you with this gem.
"I love ice cream, it is my comfort food. It is like Ben AND Jerry are there giving me a big "it will all be OK " hug... " Yes I said that today...
until then ill leave you with this gem.
"I love ice cream, it is my comfort food. It is like Ben AND Jerry are there giving me a big "it will all be OK " hug... " Yes I said that today...
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Traffic stop...
So at the old age of 30 I have been thrust back into the dating world, it is daunting, and frankly I have the worst luck on dates. Normal women who don't have gigantic issues, for some reason are scarce(much like the single, super model, doctor, comedians). If I locate an eligiable one I'll be sure to shout it from the rooftops, until then I am going to be searching. This is the tale of one such search.
So I met this gal at of all places a bar, now before you say well there is your problem, a description of the "bar" in question. It is the only business in a remote town of 300 people, also serves breakfast, lunch and dinner. If there are 3 people in there the bar is hopping. A pool table, 2 eating/drinking tables and 5 bar stools and a boom box are the furnishings. She was the waitress/bartender/cook/whatever else. Her folks owned the place.
So we got to talking over beer, and since we were the only people in the place, we got to talk for about an hour while my buddy Laurance played pool. So this gal and I kinda hit it off and I asked her if she wanted to go to a real town for dinner, and whatever else she wanted to do, my treat. Things got planned for Saturday, about 2.
We meet up, she is driving because my car is a work truck and about as environmentaly friendly to drive into town, as the Exxon Valdez. So we both pile into her Saturn, and head to town. We eat a late lunch at a Chineese place, walk around the mall, people watch, talk all is pretty good.
So we head back to the cafe/bar where we had agreed to meet and we have just passed the city limits and we get pulled over by the cops. She flips out, full on bat shit crazy, pounding the wheel, frothing at the mouth ranting about F*ing cops this, Danm the police that. This is before the guy has even gotten out of his car to ask for license and registration she is full on crazy. I am a little bit in shock, the sweet, polite, woman I have spent the last 3 hours with just did a complete about face.
The deputy gets to her window and like a switch she is Mrs. Manners, he informs her that she ran a stop sign a block back(I did not see a stop sign, and I am a pretty bad back seat driver), can he get her license, registration, and proof of insurance. He gets them, my license too and goes back to his car. Soon as he has left, she flips back into crazy mode, about how cops are all out to get her, she "didn't do nothing", and down hill from there.
The deputy gets back hands her stuff, says she will be getting a warning today, looks at me, my license, and asks me to step out of the car. This is a first for me but I am pretty laid back so I get out. We walk about 25 feet back to his car, he hands me my license, looks at me and says "You need to look into the company you keep, it can reflect negativly on you, this conversation never happend, here is your license have a good night". Now I am puzzled but I am like ok.
I the deputy gets back in his car, and I get back in the passenger seat of hers. She starts driving, and I am still a little puzzled about the deputy's comment but I am still a little alarmed by her outbursts, so I don't bring her outburst up. I instead bring up how her drivers license photo must look good enough to get her out of a ticket, this leads to the inevitable who's drivers license photo is worse. So while looking at her license I can also see the birth date.
So we are about back to my truck at this point and I say I have had a fun time, aside from the almost ticket, and I'll call her with plans for next weekend. So I get back to my truck, write down the birthday, and head home. I get to my house, and pop open google, and google my date. Turns out she has convictions for methamphetamine production and dealing, multiple domestic violence arrests(both ways), prostitution, shop lifting. I decided that while some things are in the past (I have 2 speeding tickets, and a driving at speeds in excess of conditions which is legal speak for you slid into a ditch), and some things are liable to rear up shortly. I put her problems in the latter catagory and didn't plan another date.
I don't know how to rate this one. Comment with your ranking, 1 being not bad date, 10 suprised I didn't wake up in bathtub of ice missing a kidney.
So I met this gal at of all places a bar, now before you say well there is your problem, a description of the "bar" in question. It is the only business in a remote town of 300 people, also serves breakfast, lunch and dinner. If there are 3 people in there the bar is hopping. A pool table, 2 eating/drinking tables and 5 bar stools and a boom box are the furnishings. She was the waitress/bartender/cook/whatever else. Her folks owned the place.
So we got to talking over beer, and since we were the only people in the place, we got to talk for about an hour while my buddy Laurance played pool. So this gal and I kinda hit it off and I asked her if she wanted to go to a real town for dinner, and whatever else she wanted to do, my treat. Things got planned for Saturday, about 2.
We meet up, she is driving because my car is a work truck and about as environmentaly friendly to drive into town, as the Exxon Valdez. So we both pile into her Saturn, and head to town. We eat a late lunch at a Chineese place, walk around the mall, people watch, talk all is pretty good.
So we head back to the cafe/bar where we had agreed to meet and we have just passed the city limits and we get pulled over by the cops. She flips out, full on bat shit crazy, pounding the wheel, frothing at the mouth ranting about F*ing cops this, Danm the police that. This is before the guy has even gotten out of his car to ask for license and registration she is full on crazy. I am a little bit in shock, the sweet, polite, woman I have spent the last 3 hours with just did a complete about face.
The deputy gets to her window and like a switch she is Mrs. Manners, he informs her that she ran a stop sign a block back(I did not see a stop sign, and I am a pretty bad back seat driver), can he get her license, registration, and proof of insurance. He gets them, my license too and goes back to his car. Soon as he has left, she flips back into crazy mode, about how cops are all out to get her, she "didn't do nothing", and down hill from there.
The deputy gets back hands her stuff, says she will be getting a warning today, looks at me, my license, and asks me to step out of the car. This is a first for me but I am pretty laid back so I get out. We walk about 25 feet back to his car, he hands me my license, looks at me and says "You need to look into the company you keep, it can reflect negativly on you, this conversation never happend, here is your license have a good night". Now I am puzzled but I am like ok.
I the deputy gets back in his car, and I get back in the passenger seat of hers. She starts driving, and I am still a little puzzled about the deputy's comment but I am still a little alarmed by her outbursts, so I don't bring her outburst up. I instead bring up how her drivers license photo must look good enough to get her out of a ticket, this leads to the inevitable who's drivers license photo is worse. So while looking at her license I can also see the birth date.
So we are about back to my truck at this point and I say I have had a fun time, aside from the almost ticket, and I'll call her with plans for next weekend. So I get back to my truck, write down the birthday, and head home. I get to my house, and pop open google, and google my date. Turns out she has convictions for methamphetamine production and dealing, multiple domestic violence arrests(both ways), prostitution, shop lifting. I decided that while some things are in the past (I have 2 speeding tickets, and a driving at speeds in excess of conditions which is legal speak for you slid into a ditch), and some things are liable to rear up shortly. I put her problems in the latter catagory and didn't plan another date.
I don't know how to rate this one. Comment with your ranking, 1 being not bad date, 10 suprised I didn't wake up in bathtub of ice missing a kidney.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Memorial day camp out, and 19 miles
So for those of you who don't know I am running a marathon and trying to raise money for leukemia and lymphoma research for a cure. I have 2 blogs and was out of town this weekend (but I still did my practice run). I updated one and you are getting that update for this one. I should have a good update for Tuesday.
So for Memorial day I was out of town for the longest practice run of the season. The longest practice run is supposed to be 3 hours, which turns into 3 hours 20 minutes when you do not be able to hear your turn around alarm with head phones in. I ran 9.5 out, turned around and ran 9.5 back. I was very impressed with myself, I have beaten a personal longest run, and I was going pretty fast, roughly 11 minute miles, which is my ideal pace for the marathon here in June.
I realized at about mile 17 of my run that while my feet hurt that I was only going to be in tempory pain and there were people who are, have been and will be in worse pain until a cure for cancer is found. This caused me to keep going. I think I can do the 26.2 miles when it gets here.
So the reason I was out of town is the local chapter of the Alaska Machine Gun Association (AMGA) was going to do a machine gun shoot at the range in Anderson. For those of you who don't know your very small Alaskan towns, Anderson is a town of about 400 located about 5 hours drive north of Anchorage, and 1 hour south of Fairbanks just off the parks highway. A machine gun shoot is where a bunch of people who own machine guns (yes they are legal, there is just a bunch of paperwork and background check first, then a very large check to buy it) get together and shoot at things. Then cook over camp fires, drink beer, complain about slow drivers in the left lane , how shopping carts always have one wheel that doesn’t work right, and their kids play too many video games.
The local fire department donated 2 wrecked cars for us to shoot at, and then after we have "really wrecked them" they chop them up for practice pulling people out of wrecks. The cars were pretty much about like Swiss cheese by the time we were done though. So the fire department was happy that the cars were well “wrecked”. Because we made quite a bit of noise for 2 days, a donation was taken up for the local fire department and they will likely be getting some fancy new gear. Here are some of the guns that were used.
The old guy with his cannon, the stuff in the back is all the stuff he needs to keep it running. He says he never has tailgaters either... It is a blast(pun intended) to fire, you can see the cannon ball hit the ground and skip. I can say for a fact if you shoot a ford escort in the trunk the cannon ball will go through the trunk, through the rear seat, through the front seat, through the fire wall, break when it hits the drivers side shock, and then keep going.
This is a photo of the firing line at after things slowed down a bit, the down side is I was having too much fun shooting things that I forgot to take photos during the exciting stuff.
This is a video of me shooting my friend Sean's very high caliber sniper rifle, (at 5 bucks a shot, I only took one, I didn't want him to go broke). I hit the target, I just didn't knock it over.
I don't own any of these things, YET. Someday after the marathon is over with, I'll likely get some, maybe.
So for Memorial day I was out of town for the longest practice run of the season. The longest practice run is supposed to be 3 hours, which turns into 3 hours 20 minutes when you do not be able to hear your turn around alarm with head phones in. I ran 9.5 out, turned around and ran 9.5 back. I was very impressed with myself, I have beaten a personal longest run, and I was going pretty fast, roughly 11 minute miles, which is my ideal pace for the marathon here in June.
I realized at about mile 17 of my run that while my feet hurt that I was only going to be in tempory pain and there were people who are, have been and will be in worse pain until a cure for cancer is found. This caused me to keep going. I think I can do the 26.2 miles when it gets here.
So the reason I was out of town is the local chapter of the Alaska Machine Gun Association (AMGA) was going to do a machine gun shoot at the range in Anderson. For those of you who don't know your very small Alaskan towns, Anderson is a town of about 400 located about 5 hours drive north of Anchorage, and 1 hour south of Fairbanks just off the parks highway. A machine gun shoot is where a bunch of people who own machine guns (yes they are legal, there is just a bunch of paperwork and background check first, then a very large check to buy it) get together and shoot at things. Then cook over camp fires, drink beer, complain about slow drivers in the left lane , how shopping carts always have one wheel that doesn’t work right, and their kids play too many video games.
The local fire department donated 2 wrecked cars for us to shoot at, and then after we have "really wrecked them" they chop them up for practice pulling people out of wrecks. The cars were pretty much about like Swiss cheese by the time we were done though. So the fire department was happy that the cars were well “wrecked”. Because we made quite a bit of noise for 2 days, a donation was taken up for the local fire department and they will likely be getting some fancy new gear. Here are some of the guns that were used.
The old guy with his cannon, the stuff in the back is all the stuff he needs to keep it running. He says he never has tailgaters either... It is a blast(pun intended) to fire, you can see the cannon ball hit the ground and skip. I can say for a fact if you shoot a ford escort in the trunk the cannon ball will go through the trunk, through the rear seat, through the front seat, through the fire wall, break when it hits the drivers side shock, and then keep going.
This is a video of me shooting my friend Sean's very high caliber sniper rifle, (at 5 bucks a shot, I only took one, I didn't want him to go broke). I hit the target, I just didn't knock it over.
I don't own any of these things, YET. Someday after the marathon is over with, I'll likely get some, maybe.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Walking alone...
So I have a trend going here and people seem to enjoy my gallows humor. Yet another...
Friend of mine and I headed out one Friday evening to go meet ladies at a local dive bar. Now by dive bar I mean a place that caught on fire and reopened with a blue tarp to cover the missing wall, and a kerosene lamp to light the back. I am pretty sure the fire marshal got his kids braces on that one.
So my buddy, lets call him "Muffin" (he got that nickname in college, how we will never know), is a big guy. 6'3" 250, really would have fit well in a longship, chain mail, and a broad sword. Professional pipe fitter. Is having a very successful evening hitting on a young lady and they are obviously going places. I have taken the wingmans supporting role and been flirting with her attractive friend. About 2 beers, 2 body shots, and a jello shot later (time got kinda fuzzy). About this time Muffin, as the DD, asks if I need a ride home because he is heading out with his new friend. I tell him wait 5 min I gotta get this gal's phone number.
So I tell the gal I am flirting with that I gotta go due to my ride leaving , and ask if I can get her phone number so I can call the next day. She says she would rather just drive me to her house, wake up, roll over and talk to me more the next morning. So or obvious reasons I tell Muffin that I am covered for a ride. And Muffin makes a bee line for his house with his new friend in tow.
So the gal and I proce to match each other body shot for body shot for about an hour. (With progressively lowered inhibitions). She then says we should head back to her house. She drives, which in retrospect was a BAD idea. Not only was she WAY beyond the legal limit, but I have no idea where I am, due to fiddling with radio and talking with her, not to mention there being ice fog everywhere.
Now a brief bit on ice fog. It is a fog made of suspended ice crystals in the air. It happens at around -35 and lower. It is just like normal fog but denser and more difficult to see through. This is Fairbanks , AK here so -40 is pretty standard in January at night.
So we end up off a main road that I actually know, and I grab my jacket from her car to head into her house. We get to the couch, she turns on the TV as we start making out. After about 15 seconds of making out she breaks the kiss, and FREAKS OUT. Screaming that I have to go right now, I am really confused but pushing the issue is not really my thing, and hey I did get to make out with a cute gal for about 15 seconds. I asked her what the problem was and she (still freaking out) says I have to go right now. So I grab my jacket and head out.
Now while I know roughly where I am in relationship to the road that I know leads to my house, I am still about 6 miles from my house. It is 2 am, I have 7 dollars cash, a credit card, student ID, a jacket, no hat, no gloves, and it is about -40 outside. I unfolded the collar of my jacket and unrolled that nylon hood thing that is in cheap jackets, you know the one, that sounds like a great idea when you buy it, but has no practical purpose as it funnels rain INTO your collar. I found the practical purpose. I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket and started walking home, still very drunk. At about mile 3 I was actually crossing the campus where I went to school and all I could think about was how cold I was. so I
went into the all night study; which was ,as normal, occupied by Indian exchange students studying engineering, astrophysics, and statistics.
I could stop shivering but only if I worked at it and I was still very drunk so I proceeded to do jumping jacks, push ups, running in place, sit ups. While wearing my jacket. This went on for about 15 or so minutes until the campus security was called (the future engineers, rocket scientist, and statisticians must have thought I was bothering them) and I was asked to leave. But I was no longer shivering and I was starting to sober up. So back on the road headed toward my house running this time because I have the balance to do it I went about another 2 miles when I realize that I know the bartender of the the last bar before my house, maybe I can get a ride home.
So I go in and I precede to ask if I can get a favor and the bar tender looks at me and says sure name it, I in a flash of brilliance decide that I can walk the rest of the way home but to prevent freezing I should get another drink. I order a shot of vodka, and a chaser of coke. I pay my last 6 bucks for my drink and tip a dollar so I am now set for booze and well still a mile from home. I head back out and start running again. when I can see my apartment complex I start walking again and walk in my front door at just about 3 am. It had been an eventful night.
I never got to ask that gal what her issue was, my friend Muffin was all smiles the next afternoon at a BBQ, but did feel bad about leaving me but I had sent him on his merry way. Muffin and the gal kept dating for about 4 months until she graduated and left state. I didn't really care for her so I didn't ask her much about her friend.
Friend of mine and I headed out one Friday evening to go meet ladies at a local dive bar. Now by dive bar I mean a place that caught on fire and reopened with a blue tarp to cover the missing wall, and a kerosene lamp to light the back. I am pretty sure the fire marshal got his kids braces on that one.
So my buddy, lets call him "Muffin" (he got that nickname in college, how we will never know), is a big guy. 6'3" 250, really would have fit well in a longship, chain mail, and a broad sword. Professional pipe fitter. Is having a very successful evening hitting on a young lady and they are obviously going places. I have taken the wingmans supporting role and been flirting with her attractive friend. About 2 beers, 2 body shots, and a jello shot later (time got kinda fuzzy). About this time Muffin, as the DD, asks if I need a ride home because he is heading out with his new friend. I tell him wait 5 min I gotta get this gal's phone number.
So I tell the gal I am flirting with that I gotta go due to my ride leaving , and ask if I can get her phone number so I can call the next day. She says she would rather just drive me to her house, wake up, roll over and talk to me more the next morning. So or obvious reasons I tell Muffin that I am covered for a ride. And Muffin makes a bee line for his house with his new friend in tow.
So the gal and I proce to match each other body shot for body shot for about an hour. (With progressively lowered inhibitions). She then says we should head back to her house. She drives, which in retrospect was a BAD idea. Not only was she WAY beyond the legal limit, but I have no idea where I am, due to fiddling with radio and talking with her, not to mention there being ice fog everywhere.
Now a brief bit on ice fog. It is a fog made of suspended ice crystals in the air. It happens at around -35 and lower. It is just like normal fog but denser and more difficult to see through. This is Fairbanks , AK here so -40 is pretty standard in January at night.
So we end up off a main road that I actually know, and I grab my jacket from her car to head into her house. We get to the couch, she turns on the TV as we start making out. After about 15 seconds of making out she breaks the kiss, and FREAKS OUT. Screaming that I have to go right now, I am really confused but pushing the issue is not really my thing, and hey I did get to make out with a cute gal for about 15 seconds. I asked her what the problem was and she (still freaking out) says I have to go right now. So I grab my jacket and head out.
Now while I know roughly where I am in relationship to the road that I know leads to my house, I am still about 6 miles from my house. It is 2 am, I have 7 dollars cash, a credit card, student ID, a jacket, no hat, no gloves, and it is about -40 outside. I unfolded the collar of my jacket and unrolled that nylon hood thing that is in cheap jackets, you know the one, that sounds like a great idea when you buy it, but has no practical purpose as it funnels rain INTO your collar. I found the practical purpose. I put my hands in the pockets of my jacket and started walking home, still very drunk. At about mile 3 I was actually crossing the campus where I went to school and all I could think about was how cold I was. so I
went into the all night study; which was ,as normal, occupied by Indian exchange students studying engineering, astrophysics, and statistics.
I could stop shivering but only if I worked at it and I was still very drunk so I proceeded to do jumping jacks, push ups, running in place, sit ups. While wearing my jacket. This went on for about 15 or so minutes until the campus security was called (the future engineers, rocket scientist, and statisticians must have thought I was bothering them) and I was asked to leave. But I was no longer shivering and I was starting to sober up. So back on the road headed toward my house running this time because I have the balance to do it I went about another 2 miles when I realize that I know the bartender of the the last bar before my house, maybe I can get a ride home.
So I go in and I precede to ask if I can get a favor and the bar tender looks at me and says sure name it, I in a flash of brilliance decide that I can walk the rest of the way home but to prevent freezing I should get another drink. I order a shot of vodka, and a chaser of coke. I pay my last 6 bucks for my drink and tip a dollar so I am now set for booze and well still a mile from home. I head back out and start running again. when I can see my apartment complex I start walking again and walk in my front door at just about 3 am. It had been an eventful night.
I never got to ask that gal what her issue was, my friend Muffin was all smiles the next afternoon at a BBQ, but did feel bad about leaving me but I had sent him on his merry way. Muffin and the gal kept dating for about 4 months until she graduated and left state. I didn't really care for her so I didn't ask her much about her friend.
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